Beneath the Parisian Skies Page 4

  ‘Why are you so worried about him?’ asked Alexei.

  ‘His letters are a scrambled mess, sometimes they’re one continuous rant. He sends them intermittently, when I used to receive them regularly. And I doubt it has anything to do with the war interfering with the postal service. There’s something wrong and I just don’t know what it is.’

  ‘Artists can be strange.’ His lopsided smile didn’t warm her like it used to.

  ‘I’m serious.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make light of it. I know he means a lot to you.’

  ‘Of course he does. I may not have seen him for years but we still have a connection, no matter how tenuous. I guess we never really forget our roots.’

  ‘Even if we try.’ He gave a small shrug.

  ‘What does that mean?’ She shouldn’t be so defensive but found it impossible not to be. It had been a terrible idea thinking she’d be sane enough to talk with Alexei after her first day with the ballet.

  Alexei leaned forward, his expression intense. ‘What I mean is that we are now here in Paris and we shouldn’t spend our time looking at our past in Russia. This is a new life and a chance to move forward.’

  ‘How can you forget your family? Your friends? The country you grew up in?’ she asked. Alexei had always held an attachment to his loved ones so his comment seemed strange. ‘Don’t you care about them?’

  ‘Of course I care, but my life is here now. With the way the world is I can’t see me ever setting foot in Petrograd again. It is better to remain detached, that way the pain doesn’t go so deep.’

  In a way, she understood what he meant but in another, his coldness made her feel like she was talking with a complete stranger.

  He gestured towards the black sash. ‘Don’t give Diaghilev any reason to doubt his decision to take you on.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  ‘You’ve worked hard to get here; it would be a tragedy if you had to leave because you didn’t agree with his rules. I like having you here. It feels right. Like it was meant to be.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you wait until I was ready to leave with you?’

  ‘I wasn’t getting anywhere at the Imperial as understudy.’ His tone held a hint of remorse. ‘Please believe me when I say I didn’t want to leave you behind but this opportunity was once in a lifetime. You know what it’s like—if a chance happens along, you have to take it because if you don’t, someone else will.’

  This was true but she didn’t have to like it. And the same was true for her. She’d been understudy for so many ballets at the Imperial that she doubted she’d ever ascend to the next level. So when Diaghilev had contacted her…Viktoriya’s story was identical to Alexei’s. She couldn’t blame him for what he did, no matter how hurt and abandoned she’d felt at the time.

  Alexei reached for her hand again; this time she didn’t move away. His warm fingers curled around hers and took her back to happier days, when they’d been captivated with each other, delighted to spend every waking moment together. As much as she wanted to hold on to this feeling, they’d endured too much to return to what once was.

  * * *

  This pianist bashed out the notes Satie had composed for Parade while dancers stamped feet, twirled and jumped to the difficult rhythm. Viktoriya struggled with the jerky movements but determination spurred her through the pain and mental gymnastics. Every so often her focus wavered, her mind returning to the fuchsia scarf tucked in her bag at the other end of the rehearsal room. Although she could blame her inability to connect with the choreography on the scarf, in reality her distraction came from dancing in the same company as Alexei once more.

  Irina yelled instructions while Massine looked on with furrowed brows. Perspiration coated Viktoriya’s skin as she attempted another leap yet failed to reach the heights she was known for.

  ‘Budian.’ Massine crooked a finger and she limped over, her feet bruised and blistered. ‘I have heard much about your dancing yet I am not seeing what I have been told.’

  ‘I am sorry, Gospodin Massine. It is taking me a while to adjust.’

  She didn’t look at Alexei for fear Massine may become suspicious. Even when she and Alexei were in Russia, they’d managed to keep their relationship a secret—not only in a bid for privacy but also because the company disallowed fraternising, even though everyone hopped in and out of each other’s beds with as much regularity as the rising sun.

  ‘Hmm…’ Massine rubbed his chin and cast his gaze around the room. ‘Let me see you dance with a partner.’ He clapped his hands and the pianist stopped. ‘Irina, everyone may have a break now except for Pankov and Budian.’

  Alexei’s eyes met hers and a ribbon of cold twisted up her spine and spread across her shoulders.

  Alexei’s long legs carried him over to Massine. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I believe you both were understudy for Giselle while with the Imperial. Dance it from Act I when Loys and Giselle first meet.’ He waved at the pianist and a moment later the soft, familiar notes floated through the air.

  Viktoriya found herself lost in the music and, without even thinking, her body responded and took her through the choreography she knew by heart. Back in Petrograd it had been a dream that one day someone like Massine would witness her and Alexei dance Giselle but she’d never thought it would actually happen.

  The music embraced Viktoriya while Alexei danced around her. He held out his hand and she took it, a buzz of energy zapping up her limb and straight to her heart. Viktoriya misplaced her foot and she slipped.

  ‘Stop!’ Massine yelled and the pianist ceased playing. ‘This is the magnificent duo that everyone has talked about?’

  Alexei’s fingers let go of hers. ‘It has been so long since we—’

  Massine held up his hand. ‘Do not give me excuses. Show me the talent. If it is still there.’

  Viktoriya drew to her full height and said, ‘Gospodin Massine, if I may?’

  ‘Yes?’ He cocked an eyebrow at her.

  ‘If you could please indulge me, just for a moment, and allow me to wear my fuchsia scarf—’

  ‘No.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Please, Massine, let her try. What do you have to lose?’ Alexei sent her a conspiratorial smile.

  ‘Fine.’ Massine countered his hands on his hips. ‘This superstitious nonsense drives me mad but if you must.’

  Dashing over to her bag, Viktoriya quickly undid her black sash and replaced it with Dina’s keepsake. She then took her place next to Alexei.

  Under his breath, Alexei said, ‘This better be worth me sticking my neck out.’

  ‘It is, I promise,’ she whispered.

  ‘Begin!’ Massine yelled and angled a finger at the pianist, who set to work.

  Viktoriya stretched her leg, put her weight on her foot and spun, her arms extended above her head in fifth position. Alexei held her waist as they repeated the same steps, this time with more fervour. Lightness enveloped her. When Alexei attempted the lift, Viktoriya was in the right position and he did it with ease. He held her high, his strong arms bearing her weight easily while she extended her back, legs and arms. Alexei placed her on the floor and she formed a perfect arabesque to complete the sequence.

  ‘Bravo! Bravo!’ Massine clapped like an enthusiastic school boy. The pianist stopped as Massine strode over and slapped Alexei on the back. ‘If this is what you two can do in a rehearsal room, I can only imagine the magic on stage. I don’t care about your ridiculous scarf, Viktoriya—if you dance like that for me, you can wear pink and purple spots if you want.’

  ‘But what about Diaghilev? He made it very clear I have to wear regulation attire.’

  ‘Leave him to me. Don’t you worry about anything other than dancing. You two need to be seen in public. In fact…I may just create a ballet to make sure this happens.’ Massine’s smile travelled all the way to his eyes. ‘Go. Take a break.’

  Massine waved at the pianist to follow him and as the men walked down
the hallway, snippets of ‘brilliance’, ‘magical’ and ‘unique’ echoed to where she stood next to Alexei. They stared at each other, the energy they’d created still crackling in the air.

  ‘A ballet? For us?’ The cool air stung her wide eyes.

  Alexei’s lips twitched into a grin. Nodding at her scarf, he said, ‘I would never have thought it possible but that piece of material makes a difference.’

  ‘It defies logic but who am I to argue? It’s the best gift I’ve ever received.’

  ‘Who gave it to you?’ A touch of jealousy pushed into his tone.

  Her muscles drew taut. ‘It’s not important who—’

  ‘Obviously it is because it has an effect on you.’

  ‘It ceased being your business when you left me.’ The words came out with more force than needed. She softened her voice. ‘Sorry. Alexei, it has nothing to do with another man, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m still coming to terms with what happened and I’m not ready to talk about it just yet, all right?’

  Alexei stared at her while she moved from foot to foot.

  ‘All right, Alexei?’ she asked, a hollow feeling growing in her chest.

  ‘All right,’ he mumbled. ‘So, our history…’

  Her throat constricted but she squeezed out, ‘Yes?’

  ‘Maybe we should let Diaghilev know. I have a feeling Massine noticed our connection.’

  ‘Alexei…’ She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘There’s no point. It was so long ago, in another time, another place.’

  ‘You didn’t feel what I did when we danced for Massine?’ He sounded hurt and she instantly felt terrible.

  She ran her fingers through her hair, dislodging the loosely knotted bun. ‘No one knows about us. What we were, I mean.’

  Alexei drew his lips into a straight line. It felt like forever before he finally spoke. ‘Diaghilev couldn’t care less about relationships within his company. After all, he’s never shied away from romancing dancers he’s employed. First, Vaslav then Massine—’

  ‘Massine’s his lover?’

  ‘You didn’t know this?’

  ‘How could I? I’ve only just arrived,’ she said.

  Her head spun, worried about what this would do to Nijinsky should he find out. From what she understood, Nijinsky had regretted the way he’d treated Diaghilev, especially after he’d eloped with Romola de Pulszky while they were on tour in South America. Romola had openly pursued Nijinsky and Viktoriya had always wondered if he’d ever got over his relationship with Diaghilev. She worried the news about Diaghilev and Massine could send Nijinsky spiralling deeper into the abyss he was prone to falling into.

  ‘I still think we should keep our past quiet,’ she said.

  Alexei focussed on an empty corner of the room, his face pale. ‘Sometimes it is silence that screams the loudest.’

  CHAPTER

  5

  Lily rounded the corner to Théâtre du Châtelet and Bernard broke into a wide smile.

  ‘I see you have returned!’ He held open the stage door and swung his arm towards the entrance like a game show host.

  ‘I have indeed.’ She forced a grin, despite her nerves. As she weaved through the empty corridors, Lily’s confidence rose. Natalie knew about Lily’s infinite well of persistence, so surely she’d give in this time and talk.

  Lily stood outside the rehearsal studio, waiting for the music to finish. She closed her eyes and allowed her body to move slowly, the enchanting melody washing over her, the magical notes guiding her arms and feet…

  Lily froze. She opened her eyes.

  For such a long time she hadn’t allowed ballet music to envelop her, yet here she was, dancing in the depths of the theatre she had once been set to perform in.

  Backing against the wall, Lily remained still until the music finished. Dancers exited through the door and she could hear Natalie’s distinctive high-pitched voice speaking in rudimentary French. Peeking around the corner, Lily watched her younger sister flinging her arms around, her face creased in an unflattering frown. The tall guy from the rehearsal room the other day raised his voice and Natalie countered, hands on her hips, her lips pursed.

  Lily stepped back into the corridor. Perhaps now wasn’t the right time. When would it be, though? Drawing a deep breath, she moved forward, knocked on the door then stepped across the threshold.

  ‘Excuse me—’

  Natalie’s eyes met hers. ‘Get out.’

  ‘I’m not going. We need to talk.’

  ‘Not now.’ Her sister glanced at the tall guy who grabbed his bag and made a hasty exit.

  Her sister’s rudeness infuriated Lily but she would not back down. ‘So when can we talk? I’m not going to leave Paris until we’ve had this out.’

  ‘Had what out? It’s all been said before—many times over. Your actions have led to two deaths. Nothing more to it.’

  ‘They were both accidents and you know it.’ Lily concentrated on keeping her voice even. Before Aiden’s death, Natalie hadn’t blamed Lily for what had happened to Jake. In fact, she’d been the most supportive out of everyone when Lily had been riddled with guilt over their young brother’s accident. ‘Natalie, please—’

  Natalie grabbed her bag, her anger filling the rehearsal room. ‘And now you’re ruining your own life. You can’t see what you’re doing and I can’t help. I want to, but it’s not up to me.’

  ‘Natalie…’

  Without another word, her sister headed for the door.

  ‘You’re being ludicrous!’ Lily yelled. Yep, that’s totally going to help.

  Natalie spun to face her. ‘Don’t contact me again. I don’t want you bringing more death to my doorstep.’

  ‘It’s not all always about you! I lost my brother and my fiancé. Then my sister deserts me when I need her most!’

  ‘And it’s not all about you, either. I lost two people also!’ Natalie threw her dance bag to the ground.

  ‘At least I didn’t ditch my sister and pursue her dream to spite her,’ said Lily. It was about time Natalie heard some home truths.

  ‘What? This?’ Natalie waved her arm in front of her. ‘I’ve always wanted to dance with this company.’

  ‘You’d never contemplated dancing with Bohème, even when Aiden and I were asked to join.’ Lily willed herself to remain calm.

  ‘Well…you were the one who chucked ballet so easily.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ This time it was Lily’s turn to place her hands on hips. ‘I had to give it up.’ She sniffed back the tears welling up. ‘I couldn’t…I…I just couldn’t.’

  ‘If you wanted it badly enough you could have kept going. You worked much harder than me, yet you dropped dance like a hot potato. You’ve not done yourself justice.’

  Everyone knew Natalie had a natural talent and had done the bare minimum to get where she had, and Lily had put in twice as many hours. Not once had Natalie acknowledged this—until now.

  Natalie’s sigh seemed to expel some of her anger. In a softer tone, she said, ‘Lily, you’re the best dancer I know, yet when tragedy struck, you dumped the one thing that could have gotten you through your grief. Ballet could have been your lifeline yet you cast it aside. The only time you fully come to life is when pointes are on your feet and the stage light is shining in your eyes.’

  ‘That’s not me anymore. It’s my old life.’

  ‘It should be your present life. Other dancers have returned after injuries like yours.’

  ‘That’s physical stuff. What about the emotional? Every time I think of ballet I think of Aiden. It nearly sent me mental.’

  ‘Well, you’re not doing yourself any favours by living in limbo, are you? How’s Rutherford Creek going for you?’ Natalie crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with our hometown.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with it if you’re happy to lead a rural life but that’s not you, is it? As kids, how many times did we talk about mo
ving to Paris or London and dancing in a ballet company? Hell, we even talked about retiring here and teaching!’

  ‘Well, I’m staying in Rutherford until I can work out what to do next with my life.’

  ‘It shouldn’t take two years.’ Natalie bent to the side, stretching her muscles.

  ‘It takes as long as it takes.’ Lily shifted from foot to foot.

  Natalie picked up her bag. ‘You’re wasting your life.’

  ‘Is that why you’re angry with me?’

  ‘One of the reasons.’

  She didn’t like the direction this conversation was headed but at least Natalie cared enough about what Lily was doing—or not doing—with her life. Not that Lily thought her sister was right. Well…maybe…Lily clenched her fists. What would Natalie know?

  ‘I wish you well, Lily. I don’t hate you at all but I just can’t have you in my life like I used to.’

  Before Lily could open her mouth, Natalie disappeared out the door.

  There was no point in chasing Natalie. Her stubbornness had served her well in ballet but in her personal life it caused a never-ending stream of unnecessary drama. Like now. This blame game hurt Lily immensely. How stupid she’d been to even think about making up with Natalie. Lily shook her head. Growing up, she and Natalie had always laid out their grievances and dissected what went wrong and why. It had hurt to the core at times but they’d always managed to move on, even if they couldn’t fully forgive each other. But this…this was so very different to every other issue they’d had.

  How on earth could Natalie ever think that Lily had a hand in the deaths of Aiden and Jake? Her beliefs were so irrational it led Lily to wonder if her sister was mentally stable. And if she wasn’t, then Natalie needed Lily more than ever. There was no way of knowing the truth behind Natalie’s mental health unless Lily started peeling back the layers behind her sister’s attitude. But if it stemmed from just being a bitch, then that was a whole different ballgame. Really, who could blame an eleven-year-old who was left to look after her five-year-old brother because their mother was too busy running the family business? Even after all these years, the horror of watching her brother go under water haunted Lily. She hadn’t dunked her toes in a dam, river or ocean since. How could she? Maybe if Natalie hadn’t been staying with friends it wouldn’t have happened. The past was the past, however, and it had taken Lily many years of counselling to come to terms with this—until Aiden’s accident triggered the guilt over Jake’s death once again.